Hi Sarah,

My father entered palliative care last week with late stage lung cancer. He has been given 4-12 weeks. Sadly, he is in denial and understandably, extremely angry at life right now. The story of his life is long and complicated but to summarize, he has been an angry, volatile alcoholic for 50+ years and the family was in deep denial of this fact until just a few years ago. Our lives have been filled with chaos, tragedy and the disfunction that addiction causes. At times I’ve had to take a step back to maintain some sanity but since his diagnosis I’ve done my best to help him and the family navigate the process of his illness and now his death. I’m aware of much of the pain and suffering that my father has endured through out his life, especially when he was young. I understand that he used alcohol to numb his pain and suffering. I have discovered traumas, addiction and terrible abuse in our linage and I can feel it all in my bones, and I know he can too, even if he can’t name what he feels. I know his passing and my role in his passing can bring healing for him, myself, our family and our ancestors. He is a man of few words and doesn’t want to have the hard conversations we could be having right now. He would become angry and vindictive if I broached any of this with him so I don’t. He is not religious or spiritual in any way. My question is, how can I best support him now and as his death comes closer? What can I do to bring the most healing for his soul and those of us that will be left to mourn him?

Sincerely,
T